Christmas at the BAR-D Ranch  2001

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Happy holidays folks!


Anna Claus


As we near the Christmas season
Every year I have a reason
   To complain about my lot in life because
I'm unhappy as can be
No one ever thinks of me
   It's not easy being Mrs. Santa Claus

Who is always doing chores?
Who does sewing and restores
   That old tacky crimson suit with worn-out furs?
For a century, each year
I've been letting out the rear
   To accommodate the bulge that now occurs

When my absent-minded spouse
Lets the reindeer in the house
   Through that broken door the elves forgot to fix
Muddy hooves -- there's quite a few
If you're counting -- thirty two
   Unless Rudolph shows and then there's thirty-six

And speaking of those elves
They do not behave themselves
   All their noise while making toys compounds my woes
I am always mending frocks
And forever darning sox
   That they puncture with those awful pointy toes

Since the nearest grocery store
Is a thousand miles or more
   All I ever get to eat is frozen dinner
Although Santa thinks it's fine
When he sneaks a glass of wine
   That's why he gets fat while I keep getting thinner

Santa Claus is too darn jolly
And I think he's off his trolley
   When his cheerfulness becomes a bit extreme
I attempt a conversation
But it ends with my frustration
   If I hear another "Ho-Ho-Ho" -- I'll scream

"Santa: On this Christmas Eve
I'll mount up with you and leave
   Because Anna Claus deserves some holidays
Tell those elves that you released her
And she won't be back 'til Easter
   Even later if they don't amend their ways

You get all the World's applause
Rightly so . . . you're Santa Claus
   Every child appreciates the good you do
Good is good -- while I agree
Save a little good for me
   And you'd better if you know what's good for you!

Omar West 


Meeker image courtesy Nell Daley

Read by Mrs. Claus on National Public Radio December 21, 2000 on the Larry Meiller Show, hosted that day by Jim Packard of Wisconsin Public Radio


Happy holidays folks!


You can read more of Omar West's poetry 
right here at the BAR-D.

Omar West    photo  2000, Chip DiPaula

 Featured in "The Big Roundup," an anthology of the best of






Page Eight



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