About
Rodney Nelson
Poems
Books and Recording
Contacting Rodney Nelson
About Rodney Nelson
Raised on a ranch on the Mouse River near Towner, North Dakota, Rodney Nelson, the missus and their two children have lived on the Sims Creek ranch near Almont, North Dakota, since 1984. In addition to ranching, Rod works as a part-time brand inspector, horse trainer and aging rodeo performer. Audiences throughout America know Rod as a popular rural humorist, entertainer, banquet speaker, and columnist.
Rodney Nelson's regular Up Sims Creek column appears bi-weekly in the Country Living section of Farm and Ranch Guide.
Christmas on the Prairie separate page
Up Sims Creek separate page
The Proposal
Now Frank was fair at batchin
And he had a lot of friends
But his heart was aching badly for a mate.
The girls all seemed to like him
Despite his bumpkin looks
But he rarely ever asked one for a date.
For you see young Frank was smitten
By the comely Rose Marie
Why, he'd loved her since he was just a pup.
Though he knew she kinda liked him
Cause she always was so nice
He feared that he would never measure up.
For the graceful, slender, Rosie
Caught the eyes of all the boys.
More than one had asked young Rosie for her hand.
Proposals from the banker's son
Were declined, so Frank was sure
Rosie never would agree to wear his brand.
Rosie's folks were Frank's close neighbors
And they fed him lots of meals
Though Frank truly hated to impose.
Inga's cooking was delectable
And Frank couldn't help but note
She always set his plate right next to Rose.
Now Frank was educated
And better read than most
Quick and bright and witty as a rule,
But Drat! -in Rosie's presence
He seemed to self-destruct
And often seemed to act much like a fool.
For despite his best intentions
To make himself look sharp
He seemed to always suffer some mishap
Like the time to Frank's great horror
He seemed to lose his grip
And spilled a plate of beans on Rosie's lap!
One Sunday after dinner
Inga said it was too bad
Rosie's friend was sick-at home in bed
The girls had planned to see the movie
That was playing then in town
But now Rose would have to stay at home instead.
By golly-stammered Frankie
That truly is a shame
As Rosie stacked the dishes on the shelf.
I'd be honored to escort you Rose
If you'd really like to go.
For I'd kinda like to see that show myself.
Oh my! That sounds delightful
Said Rosie with a smile
And though they went, to Frank's dismay
Words he'd rehearsed for countless years
Got tangled up and stuck
And there wasn't much that Frank could say.
Except-sometime, Rose, this winter
Well, shucks, most anytime,
In fact, it would be nice most any day
You might like to see my homestead
Would you like to ride along
When I go to feed my cattle with the sleigh?
Well, she came one Monday morning
When the mercury sunk low
And for once, Frank acted plumb at ease
Rose, I'm glad it isn't snowing
And I'm thankful it ain't blowin
Cause today it would be dreadful with a breeze.
Well, he hitched up Babe and Birdie
And he helped her climb aboard
The horses trotted quickly to the stack.
Frank did all the talking
Now Rosie you keep walking
So you won't freeze while I load the rack
The trip back to the cattle
With the bobsled full of feed
Was pleasant as they snuggled in the hay
Frank had one hand on the lines
But the other held her close
As the horses pulled the load and made their way.
He talked about his favorite cows
And a couple that were mean
He pointed out a ringy, wild-eyed thing
He claimed he wasn't joking
But his eyes betrayed his glee
When he promised, Rose could ride her, come next spring.
She noticed how he handled
His team with lots of skill
His cattle nicely cared for and well fed
And he kept right on a talking
How he loved the rancher's life
While she nearly froze to death there on the sled.
Well Frank finally up and noticed
That he'd kept her out too long
Cause he saw her lips were turning kinda blue
He took her frozen hand in his
And he spoke these simple words
Rose, I'd like to share my cowboy life with you.
Now I hate to see you freezing
But I'd like your answer now
A yes, would surely do the trick.
And If you will agree
To spend your life with me
I'll get you to the cabin really quick!
How he loved to tell that story
About the day that he proposed
Though he feared her answer just might come too slow
Oh-He laughed with pure delight
How he got his timing right
On a bobsled when its forty two below!© 2004, Rodney Nelson
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
Dakota Fresh Air
The folks down at the tourism department
sure go through some pains,
To brag up and glorify
my state up on the plains.
I saw an ad not long ago
that really did impress me,
Who would have guessed -- my state is best
for things one wants to see.
Yes, the pretty photos stunned me,
I would have never thought,
I was living in the middle
of one grand vacation spot.
It stressed our scenic beauty,
talked up our industry,
Pointed out historic sites
with good ac-cu-ra-cy.
They may have praised our weather
a little to excess
but when they spoke of clean fresh air
well, folks, that's no "B. S."!
Yes, fresh air is abundant,
it's never stale or sour --
We import the stuff from Canada
at 90 miles and hour!
Air that we are breathing
when it's pretty close to noon,
Was probably at breakfast time
somewhere near Saskatoon!
It's truly quite a blessing,
that sometimes it's a sin,
When it's traveling by so doggone fast
that one can't breathe it in!
It comes from all directions,
but the North winds are the best--
the air gets sort of thick sometimes
when the wind is from the West.
I hate these blasted droughty years,
like the ones we've had of late.
A hard, West wind is often filled
with Montana real estate!
But it sometimes works out dandy,
we all thought it was fine
how we got the Kildeer Mountains
when they blew across the line!
When North Dakota parents
Send their children out to play,
They fill their pockets up with rocks
So they won't blow away!
But, by gosh, I'm not complaining,
thought the wind is sometimes mean,
the air that we are breathing
is truly fresh and clean!
And our weather -- oh, it's grand sometimes,
be it warm or winter chill.
But a good day in North Dakota
is when that fresh air -- is standing still!
© 1995, Rodney Nelson, from Cowboy Laundry
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
Good Clean Fun
I remember making hay with Dad,
We'd put it up in stacks--
Dad used to use a stackframe,
and filled it to the max.Then sometimes, but not often,
he'd say "Rodney, you've the knack.
Grab a fork -- I'll lift you up,
and you top off the stack."Reluctantly, I'd take the fork.
He'd lift me up on top--
I'd stack that hay to 30 feet,
before he'd finally stop.Then he'd drive up really close,
I could see him down beneath
As I stepped out on the pushoff
on the end of the stacker teeth.He'd back up a little ways,
I hoped he'd try no tricks
But giving me rides on that farmhand,
was how he got his kicks!Wasn't long and I'd get mad.
I'd had these rides before--
He'd slide the pushoff almost in,
Then he'd run it out once more!"Come on, Dad, let me down,
this really isn't fair"
Then he'd point the teeth toward the ground
and leave me dangling in the air!I could hear him laughing down below,
in hopeless choking mirth.
and I'd wonder if I'd ever again
put my feet upon the earth!It was no use to argue,
Dad wouldn't quite 'till he was done,
But I always, always wondered,
How could this be so fun?!Well, our yardlight burned out last year,
and since I'd run that farmhand all my life,
I knew we could fix it in a minute
if I could convince the wife!Wasn't easy to convince her,
she said a housewife was her role,
Though mad she was, she climbed aborad,
Took a ride to the top of the pole.I said, "Sweetheart, I'm so proud of you"
when she fixed the light--
"And you're especially lovely when you're angry,
You really are a sight.""Let me down, you worthless cur,"
She was having a full-fledged fit--
I couldn't pass up a chance like this,
So I drove around a bit!GOOD, CLEAN FUN -- I said to myself
as she called me a hopeless sap,
My grin got even wider
as I made another lap!"Honey, just enjoy yourself
and isn't it a fright--
It's the first time that I've carried you,
since our wedding night!"I finally shut the tractor off
Let her sit up there a while,
Promised her I'd let her down,
if she would only smile!Oh it was fun-- but there's a problem,
I can see it now, I can ...
It's gonna' take some might sweet talkin'
when that light burns out again!© 1989, Rodney Nelson, from Good Clean Fun
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
ND Forecasts
They’re the Darlings of the media
The prophets with the power
To make legions of the rural
Tune in most any hour.
What they say could make the difference
Between failure or success
Can cause grief beyond perception
Or unmeasured happiness.
Yes, the forecasts from the weatherman
Can make the future bright
But he suffers tons of ridicule
Cause he seldom gets it right.
We often get discouraged
From predictions that they make
Like when they promise us a snowstorm
And we never see a flake.
When we’re desperate for moisture
That we need to make a crop
They’ll promise us two inches
And we’ll scarcely see a drop.
Precipitation’s not their bag
But if I may be so bold
They’re often on the money
Predicting hot or cold.
We gotta hand it to them
(When I thought of this I grinned)
Up here in North Dakota
They’re deadly accurate with wind.
It’s one prediction we can count on
And they’re either fairly close,
Like we get just what they’ve promised
Or receive a double dose.
Gentle breezes heard predicted
In the weather monologue,
Could without exaggeration
Peel the hide right off a hog.
My advice to all you weathermen
Is so simple and so plain.
Please ease up on the wind a bit
And send us plenty rain!!
© 2008, Rodney Nelson
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
Read Rodney Nelson's Christmas at Sims, posted with other 2007 Christmas poems
Books and Recordings
Good Clean Fun
1989, with sketches by Jay Larson25 of Rod's original poems, including the crowd-pleaser and perennial favorite, "Good Clean Fun"
Contents:
"R. R."
Good Clean Fun
Rain Gauge Revenge
Rudy the Cowdog
A Cowboy Goes Skiing
Ma's Shoe
Mistaken Identity
The Trailer
The Veterinarian
Micky's Mash
The Widows Winter
Modern-Day Superman
Getting Started
"Dragons of the Prairie"
The Baler
The 2 A. M. Call
Answering Machine Rebuff
Gettin' a Bargain
One in the Cattle Business
The Hired Hand and the Milkcow
Income Tax Time
The Bulldogger at Kansas State
The Saga of John Deere
The Rodeo Trip
Rural Schools
Available for $7.50 plus $2.50 postage from Rodney Nelson, 4905 44th St., Almont, ND 58520 701/843-8081
Cowboy Laundry and other poems of wit and humor
1995, with photographs by David LundquistEnjoy 22 more humorous Nelson poems, featuring "Cowboy Laundry" and "Windchill Overkill"
Contents:Cowboy Laundry
Questions
Gift Rift
Old Timer Rodeos
Dakota Fresh Air
In-Laws
Of Course We're Norse!
Rodeo Logic
Chicken vs. Beef
To Obtain a Line of Credit
Windchill Overkill
Shop Needs a Mop
The Electric Blanket
Porta-Potty Predicament
Spring of '95
The Future of the Common People
Bogus Buckle
Answering Machine Rebuff II
Truly Tough Cowboys
You Get What You Pay For
Prairie Political Potential
Fashion Fixin' FencersAvailable for $7.50 plus $2.50 postage from Rodney Nelson, 4905 44th St., Almont, ND 58520 701/843-8081
Wilbur's Christmas Gift
2000, illustrated by Scott Nelson (Hardcover)Enjoy a heartwarming Christmas story of a cowboy and his gift to the children of a rural country school.
Available for $10.00 plus $2.50 postage from Rodney Nelson, 4905 44th St., Almont, ND 58520 701/843-8081
Up Sims Creek, the first 100 trips
2001, illustrated by Scott NelsonA delightful collection of Rod's first 100 columns as featured in the Farm and Ranch Guide.
Available for $12.95 plus $2.50 postage from Rodney Nelson, 4905 44th St., Almont, ND 58520 701/843-8081
Where the Buffalo Rhyme (CD)
What's inside is just as good as the cover. Where the Buffalo Rhyme (named by Baxter Black) was recorded live in October, 2003 at the Boss Cowman Cowboy Opry in Lemmon, South Dakota, and features four top poets, all Honored Guests: Jess Howard, Yvonne Hollenbeck, Rodney Nelson and Elizabeth Ebert. Jim Thompson, of Live With Jim Thompson! and Heritage of the West is the emcee.
Included poems are:
Yvonne Hollenbeck
What Would Martha Do?
Poor Old Geezer Dames
Why His Ears are Swollen
The Waitress
Rebel Rouser
Best Gift I've Had in YearsElizabeth Ebert
It Takes Real Love
The Last Great Rabbit Hunt
An Ordinary Morning
Ranch Romance
The Cemetery
Ode to Tofu
Cowboy Courtin' TimeJess Howard
Duckin' the Law
Big Bad John, Part II
Suicide
Matter of Minds
Old HenryRodney Nelson
Auction Sale
Getting Started
Good Clean Fun
Not Enough Stuff
Cowboy LaundryThe CD is available from any of the four poets for $15. You can order from Rodney Nelson, 4905 44th St., Almont, ND 58520 701/843-8081.
See a review here.
Contacting Rodney Nelson
Rodney Nelson
4905 44th St.
Almont, ND 58520
701/843-8081
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