Cairns, Queensland, Australia
About Gloria Anderlini
A Wooly Yarn
This may be the worsted yarn that you have ever heard,
and likely you won't give a darn, and tell me it's absurd.
But out in western New South Wales, breeding ewes were dying,
(it had to do with missing smiles and no, I am not lying.)
A breeding ewe's potential peaks at five or thereabout,
coincidental too, just when her teeth wore out-
their poor old teeth had worn away, they all had malnutrition,
unable now to pay their way and bound for the mortician.
It mattered not that they were sexier, attractive to the rams
for they'd developed anorexia, couldn't bear those little lambs.
Then to the west a dentist came to view those ewes a-grazing,
for he had a plan to bring him fame, simple but amazing.
He fashioned up a gum shield, attached a set of choppers,
and watched as ewes began to wield those steel and plastic whoppers.
With teeth like solid tombstones, they chomped and gnashed all day
...but soon there were grave overtones, they wanted more than hay.
No more a gentle herbivore, a placid vegetarian
they looked for something else to gnaw, a little less agrarian.
First they started on the snails which live within the grass,
but found the shells were hard as nails and difficult to pass.
No longer humble, meek and mild, soon they were revolting-
snapped and snarled and never smiled, in fact became insulting.
They bit the grazier, chased the dogs, developed nasty habits
gobbled geese and nibbled hogs and ate up all the rabbits.
Those savage ewes could not be caught, the rams were all forlorn,
couldn't do the things they ought and no new lambs were born.
So graziers thought they'd change to goats, a gentle sweet Angora-
one that dines on grass and oats and other kinds of flora.
'We'll turn the ewes to Haggis, cross the rams with goats
Their tails will now be waggers; and they’ll soon make mohair coats!'
Well the placid male revolted, became a battering ram-
his disposition altered, no more an "also ran."
"We'll not be making sheep's eyes at a mob of bearded ladies,
the boss is in for a surprise and he can go to Hades!"
They honed their horns and ran amok, charging all in sight,
and every goat that was in stock, vanished overnight!
Graziers had to think again...there were no more little lambs-
so they drafted up a clever plan to pacify the rams.
At first the ewes were not amused, their future was in doubt-
then a tranquillizer dart was used, the false teeth taken out.
The ewes were fed on processed food, laced with gin and whiskey-
grated hormones for their mood, which made them rather frisky.
The moral of this story is, that even if you're gummy
and if you take a little fizz, you can still become a mummy. ..
if you wish to lead a peaceful life, happy and gregarian
free from trouble, pain and strife, become a vegetarian!
© 2011, Gloria Anderlini
These lyrics may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
Gloria comments: This was inspired by a newspaper article telling of a dental mechanic who went to Scotland to fit sheep with dentures! Although this is not about cattle, it is a true picture of the West in parts of Australia; camels also are a feature of the outback and deserts in Australia.
About Gloria Anderlini:
2011:I am a member of Cairns Writers and have lived in Cairns for 60 odd years….write lots of prose and comic verse.
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